tomorrow turned to yesterday

This is a terribly-almost-two-months-overdue post but, I've got nothing but love for you all...

Some thoughts and reflections on my last days in Africa…

The words of singer Sara Groves come to mind, ‘I saw what I saw and I can’t forget it, I do what I do with deep conviction, Your pain has changed me, Your dreams inspire and Your hope is a fire to my soul.’ I was captivated by the people of the Sahara desert. I feel like I have a home in the refugee camps. I am so blessed to have a great, big Saharawi family in Africa and a great, big family in the U.S. I’m deeply moved by the thought. I am so loved.

As the days narrowed down, I found myself waking up earlier and earlier and walking to school to get more time in with the guys there. Having tea and incha (wheat and barley, kind of like a really thick oatmeal) with Leharaj, Omar, Sweda and Salama every morning are memories I will cherish for a very long time. The laughing, the teasing, the pranks filled with glee and the blessing of it all are great in capacity and rooted in love. I am missing the silly jokes from Salama, the ridiculous songs from Leharaj, the comfort and wide smiles of Sweda, the philosophical conversations with Omar…these guys became my brothers - my family, and it’s hard to go a day without thinking of them and thanking God for them. They showed me, without even knowing, what hospitality really is.

On the last day of seeing my students, I walked my dear Ahajabha home. The sun was fading fast as we quickly walked to our destination. We knew the good bye that was about to take place and neither of us wanted it to happen. We talked about everything but America, airplanes and packing. We laughed over the comical moments created in class, the sweet moments created in community with the girls, the tearful moments created in deep conversations while relationships were made strong, and then finally, we looked at each other and said a blessing, hugged and Ahajabha looked at me with a fury in her eyes and said, “This…no goodbye, this…this is, see you soon.” I couldn’t agree more.

On our final night in the Sahara desert I cried and sobbed and cried some more. One of my Saharawi friends likes Bob Marley and early on in my time there figured out that I enjoy some Mr. Marley myself. So, as I am crying, he comes over and in his very limited English, and very thick Arabic accent, he says, “No women, no cry” and pulls me into a hug. I was laughing and crying and filled with joy and sorrow…I was a mess.

Saying good bye to our African family and friends was one of the hardest and most painful experiences I’ve faced in my twenty two years of existence. To go from seeing these people every day to not knowing when you will see them next, if ever, is heartbreaking. It’s true – a big piece of my heart was left on the dunes of North Africa. Let us say goodbye to yesterday with gratitude and greet the new day with reverence.

Most of you know, a couple days after returning home, I got pretty sick. Jess and I flew into Appleton on Sunday night, December 13th and by Tuesday morning I was vomiting uncontrollably and the end to it was no where in sight. I was thinking I’m dehydrated and jetlag, and maybe throw a cold in the mix too. I went to the doctor who admitted me to the hospital. Turns out my insides were in an all out war fighting off hepatitis A, unsuccessfully. The hep turned to mono and the mono turned into me sleeping through Christmas, New Years, and my birthday. In all honesty, I saw my immediate family and a handful of friends in the day and half I was home before getting sick, so it felt like I had been gone for four months by the time I got to see everyone! Feeling uber blessed and thankful for such a quick rebound to health, due in large part to the prayers of you all. We survive by the prayers of others…

One of the biggest things I learned while in the camps is how much I need God. A longing to crave and yearn for Him, to be satisfied and fed by Him and to truly come and know that all of Him is more than enough for all of me. Waking up in Africa, I would reach for my Bible before even entertaining the thought of getting up. I needed to be fed spiritually and drink in God’s love and righteousness. He reminded me every morning that His mercies are new, that we were created for so much more, and so we are to keep loving and fight another day. If I didn’t hang out with Jesus in the Word every morning, by lunchtime I’m hungry for Him. I thirsted for Him. I learned what it meant for Him to fill me with ‘our daily bread’. Now that I’m back in the states, it’s easy to fall out of that routine. To get up and go is easy and our days our filled with distraction after distraction of meetings and classes and coffee runs and cell phones and work and this and that. I want my day to start with God and his words of life and wisdom so I have something to chew on and digest and help me get through another day here on earth. After all, our mission is to bring a little bit of heaven to earth every day, let’s get after it and do work.

There’s so much more to say – so many more stories I would love to tell you, conversations to be had, questions to be answered, I’d love to share much, much more and am always ready for a good cup of tea at one of our local coffee shops…so please, let’s talk and laugh and be filled with a holy sorrow and joy as we reminisce our stories.

For those of you who read this and live in the Valley area – I’ve been given the great blessing to share the African adventure part of my story at New Hope in Neenah this Sunday, February 7th from 9:15 – 10:15 am. Come out if you can, I’d love to see you.

I prayed this prayer from the Message Bible quite often in the camps, and I’ll leave you to read it tonight…much love.

Keep us alive with three square meals, keep us forgiven with You and forgiving others. Our Father in heaven, reveal who You are, set the world right; do what’s best as above, so below. Keep us safe from ourselves and the devil. You’re in charge! You can do anything You want! You’re ablaze in beauty! Yes. Yes. Yes.

Let it be so.